O my heart

image from here.

Excuse me while I whinge for a minute.

For the past year or so i've been taking photos strictly on a film camera. It has been so exciting and eye-opening, waiting for the perfect moment to take a photo and then the anticipation of seeing it developed and usually being something completely different, and better, than what I had imagined. 

My most recent role of film has been in my camera for a few months now. There's pictures of springtime, and camping, food I baked and plants i'm growing, concerts I went to and friends I hung out with. I can see all the pictures so clearly in my mind. The other evening I went to take my last picture on the film, I snapped it and then waited for that audible click telling me the role was finished, nothing. I snapped another picture, nothing again. Giant pit in my stomach. 

I put the film in wrong, I wasn't paying attention. Months of photos and images gone. 

At first my frustration and disappointment were awful. How could I be so stupid? There's no way to ever get back those images and memories! I'll never be able to share them with others! What an Idiot! 

I just wanted to cry. 

It's been a couple of days now and i'm still pretty torn up about it. However i'm trying to think differently about the whole thing. It's just a little speck in the big picture, i'll probably have completely forgotten about it in a couple of months. And why do I need a camera to remember the lovely things I see and do? All those images that I took on film are still in my head, I remember them perfectly. I just need to let it go, take a deep breath, and put in a new role of film and start over. 

*Siiiiigh*